Does he spark your interest? or did you spark hers?

Well not usually when they have a profile picture holding a beer and have the drunk swollen face. No not at all! For sure not when they have the name of LOVE GLOVE.  I think any dating site needs to give a short educational video on trying to look you best and not sounding like sex driven love glove.  However it is true, a picture is worth a thousand words and so is the screen name.

I had advice one time about getting back out there and dating by someone that I worked with.  She was on every dating sight and was out every weekend.  Sounded like she had the best of both worlds with her social life and personal life.  She was getting flowers and gifts. Then the stories started to roll in. I sat there thinking to my self. Well now I know why women get such a bad name!!!

I am trying to think of something other than keep it in your pant's.  All that comes to mind is that I don't want her sitting on my toilet.

I struggle with the moralistic way I was raised and the Vegas craziness I saw and lived in.  If you walk down the strip and you can get a flyer to drive to the hooker ranch.  I know there is everyone's way of life and choices that we all make.

How far do you go to spark the interest of another? Visually it is there when you choose someone and sometimes it is gone the second he or she opens their mouth.  Other times they have the best personality but then they get the friend mark.

What even needs to be sparked?  We all have that want for the bad boy romance novel version of dating and for men hopefully you want more than a bad boy girl movie.  However in the reality of dating some of us are sparkless left with too many question on how dating even works these days.

"Do I even want someone touching my stuff again?"

"Do I have sex on any date or wait to be married?"

"What the hell do I do?"

If you have ever watched Sex in the City there is an episode where Trey and Charlotte are having sexual issues after they waited to get married to have sex.  He can't get it up unless it is for Juggz Magazine.  Come to find out he holds his wife up too high to degrade her with sex or as some say he loves her like her mother and cannot associate sex with her.  They call it the Madonna-whore complex.

Perfect example why sometimes you need to know the person a little bit more and they should spark a bit more than your interest.  However make it a rule of thumb not to spark them all!

I now have to do the "SCARY"?

How do you handle sex after a relationship?? Especially when you're an adult and your hormones are not ruling your brain, or both in a mans case.

I started to think and realized a few things.

1. OH MY GOD, if I date then sex is coming! That wasted a few more month's on match .com of not looking.
2. A man has to see me naked again. I will just zip on over to the gym EVERYDAY OF MY LIFE!
3. I will have to see a man naked again. By now I am in a freeze of panic from just the thought.

Here I am an adult with no mom yelling at me to get home and saying away from boys.  However every lecture is rearing to the front of my memory.  As I explained it my step son when he was young.

"Now think of it this way Nick, you meet a girl and she kissed you.  Then you go kiss the next girl and the next. Do you think all these girls are just kissing you?" I said

"Well I don't know."  He said with a nice eye roll, as if he is even listening.

"No they are not!!! Now think of all the boys spit you just got in you mouth from all the other girls from all the boys they are kissing.  Listerine is not going to do shit for an STD!" As I told him this in trying to find a simple explanation.

" That is nasty!! Girls are nasty."  He said with this sour look on his face.

Apparently this got no point across, as my words meant nothing.  I should have given him the adult version.

"Do you want sores and bumps on your little willie?"

Well all of it sticks with me burned into my head.  With everything my mom told me that is nasty about boys.

When you get into a relationship and sex comes up, what do you do?  Ask for a letter from his Dr. saying that he is clean and ready to go.  There is a moment killer.  I am not a trusting woman and you know I don't trust the thin little layer of latex either.

So may things to think about when you can actually use your brain vs. Being a teenage hormonal nightmare.
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The male "gold digger", as if it is all about women.

Why do we take so much bashing about looking for men with money???? The men are just as bad if not worse.  We just get called cougars.  What the hell is that, a cougar?  In Utah is apparently has more than just the BUY mascot meaning.

I noticed on online dating there is a huge group of men looking for older women with income requirements.  Why am I going to even start a conversation with how much I make.  Why do I want to babysit a man in his 20's?  Why does any woman want to babysit a man?

I agree with men's comments now, about not wanting to raise a girlfriend.  They are sick of the women in bling jeans trying to be a teenager and they can't grow up.

"Right back at ya men!!!"


So this very attractive man winks at me online.  I decide to talk to him.  Right from the beginning I am starting to analyze him and the emails. Pictures are photoshop, cut and paste to events.  Trying to look like a bad ass.  As the emails progress, he obviously has not learned english or is using a translator.

Is it just me or am I looking for every reason why every man is bad?

I find out he wants a green card and wants to take me to meet his mom.

"NO!"

"O HELL NO!"

So let me get this right.  You want a woman who makes over 100K, you want to lie your ass off right from the start and get a green card to the US.  They need add warning labels you can add to these men on match.com.

Yet we get called cougars?  Most women think that is a sex thing, I say no way is being a babysitter, green card provider or raising a boyfriend my idea of LOVE, not even sex.

I saw little willie!!!!

Why is it a man finds out when there is a girls night and there is alcohol involved they ask you if you want to see the penis.  That is not quite what gets women turned on.  It doesn't want me to consider you potential husband material.

Apparently the game is still the same, I just got older.  Then again when I was in school it would have been indecent exposure because they had to pull it out. I remember being in high school and "piercings in special places" being the thing. Men had a thing of showing each other.   I never remembered caring.

As we are drinking and watching, The Rocky Horror Picture Show.  I see a friend of mine with a totally embarrassed grin on the chair across from me.

"This guy just asked if I wanted to see his dick."  Said my not so innocent friend.

I am shaking my head of course, my other friend jumps on it, no pun intended yet! She texts him and he approaches very cautiously.

"Really.." So seductive you could just about hear her thoughts.

Next thing you know!  Bam!!!! The room busts out in little girl laughter for a limp sausage. Or was it a hotlink?  The last time I saw one was in the microwave years ago.  It just didn't do it for me!

Do women wip out their boobs for men as fast as men are showing off sausage?  I think dating is still what it has been since creation.  How fast can the penis puke!!!  Now we just have camera's and sexting.

I am just not sure I am ready to be sending pictures of anything! Who knows, piss the person off enough you might wind up all over Facebook and naked.

Everything a man does RIGHT ?!?!?!?

I have missed having a man around.  However education should be priceless, at least I heard that one time.  I have learned to put closet organizers together, build bookcases and lift things that I swear weight more than I do.  This is not my idea of fun and after 2 weeks of cleaning and organizing in my crooked bookcase, I decided men do a few things right!

Walking through IKEA today I saw this couple, this woman was whining to her husband or boyfriend about carrying around a pot.

"REALLY?"

"O god I was like that!" I thought.

Anyone who has not been to IKEA, you should go!! You walk around for at least an hour and maybe 2 miles.  Then you have to lift all you stuff into a cart, drag it to your car, then home, in the house and build it. 3 times in one week, I am worn out, spent and irritated.  Not to mention I did this all alone and scratched my car with my new paint job.

I don't know what good a date would do for any of this stuff!!

"Want to hang out?" Says potential male date

"Sure!! Want to come over to my house and put a few screws in?"  I say

"Well alright I guess you know what you want then, I will see you at 6:00?" Says the now eager male date.

DING DONG

"I brought you flowers!" Says the man with a smirk on his face

"Well aren't you sweet!!  Ready?" I say

By now this man is either quite confused or used to getting it on the first night.

"Ok, here is my mess of storage from IKEA!! can you help me screw it together?  Frankly I am about sick of putting things together.  Thanks so much for being such a sweet man!"  I say

O I am sure the look is priceless.  Can you throw them out after it is put together or do you still have to play nice and chit chat?  You never know how much help a spouse is until they are gone.

Being a housewife to yourself, mother and a father really sucks! This is not even comparable to being a single parent.  At least you have a free weekend or two.  Not that this has anything to do with dating however, Men, you do do allot of things right!

How long do you stay with the partner that you love?

My grandparents were married for 64 years. I know I will never see 64 years of marriage. Can you really find that one person that you love and want to spent the rest of your life with?  Dating is just not how it used to be, nor is life!

When my grandpa was alive I swear I heard the same story over and over. How he met my grandma! They grew up together, lived on the same street and went to the same church. They were married and never looked back or at another person sexually, EVER! Well that is until my grandpa was in a rest home and was hitting on the 22 year old nurses.

I think back to who I grew up with, there is not one person that I even stay in touch with. I see people I went to school with and they are in the set standard of a divorce or two. Being a single mom or paying half of what they make in child support. I have some friends that are married, working two jobs just to support the kids they already have and their wife wants more.

I have to think to myself, at what time do they divorce? Do they divorce? If I was a man I would be afraid of how much I am going to have to pay for child support. Do men stay together with their wife for fear of how much they are going to have to pay?

Utah has one of the highest divorce rates in the country. Getting married right out of highschool takes it toll on a relationship, at least in this day and age. I know I would want a divorce with who I dated in high school.

What type of society are we progressing into? One that dates a silicone body part, pushes men through a revolving door in front of our kids and parties like they were 21. Or the one that gets on match.com and has sex with any woman he can to validate he still "has it". I say most likely has an STD after a match.com marathon. Rosie palm and her five sister still has a fighting chance when it comes to what is out there.

I know so much of what I don't want but what do I want?

The dirty deed at the slumber party!!!

Silicone, front door, back door, and the door bell???  Is this is how we are talking about sex.  I have been to a few Slumber Parties and let me tell you they are nothing compared to the Las Vegas sex store.
I went in good humor to support my friend that has never been to one. They like to call the newbies "The Virgin".

Of course you start the night off with a lot to drink.   We had hard lemonade and jello shots.  I think back and my mom used to have these parties when I was small.  It was always to grandmas house for the night.  Now I know why!!  These women get out of control.

Have housewives been doing the dirty deed with toys for over 30 years? As I am finding out most of the women that were there were single mom's.  They were more sex driven than a teenage boy. Something is said for cougar women;

"They either need a young man or allot of toy's"

Maybe I was the party pooper or just not in the mood but spending $198 for a plastic body part was just not my thing.  As the night came to an end, the virgin went home to her man, I went home to sleep and all the girls went home with something that hummed like a humming bird.

I don't think I am ready to date, however I am sure not ready to date a silicon body part in the meantime.