It is all fun and games till the background checks come in!!

I have rules of dating!!! If I find the "bad" info first, you loose!!!  I look for the flaws and the inconstant information in men prior to them ever "officially" dating me or getting into my bed.  EVERYONE looks good on the outside, but what are you hiding!!!

I have so many friends that find out afterwards their prince has some issues.

"OOPS, he is married!"

"OOPS he is on probation!"

Or the best on I have heard yet!!

"OOPS he lives off mommy and daddy and has no life!"

Guys quit being stupid, we're not and we do find out!  I am high maintenance and allot of work!  It's not because I think I am better than anyone.  It is because I have standards and a child, so you better be honest because if I find it first we don't "do" anything.  Let that be a lesson to you all!!!

When did KSL have dating?

So here I am, listing my husband's bike, his prized possession, his beautiful, sexy bike, on KSL Classifieds. There was more fight over this bike than there was the night at the club over the pole dancers. It seemed like I had hundreds of texts within minutes over this bike. I know my husband would look at a bike way before a naked woman posed on it in any magazine.  Apparently, some men look at the bike, find out a woman is selling it, and they think..."Hmmm, wonder if this is a good time to flirt, or get a good look to see if the girl selling it is the hot, naked type, posed on a bike. Of course, I listed it saying my husband had passed away to get the sympathy vote for full price. DISCLAIMER: I do not live alone. I do not endorse EVER saying that publicly!

It boiled down to two men at war for this bike. And, after it sold, the one that lost assumed that I was a possibility for a runner-up prize. He wanted to know what I looked like, so I gave a very, VERY, vague description, being extremely cautious about this, but willing to see what he was up to.

"So, just curious... What do you look like?" says the loser of the bike war.

"Brown hair, green eyes, and five nine." says the not-so-naked-posed biker girl.

"Do you have a pic?" says he.

"Ummm, yeah, but how do I know you're not crazy?" says she.

"What? Because I am Mormon and not married by 30 I am crazy?" says he.

Well, yes, exactly, is what is running through my head. My rules are, that if you have never been married by 30, you have a lot to learn about life. However, I don't like to make people feel bad, I just needed some practice flirting. So, let's use this man as some education. I cannot believe that I need to practice flirting! This is coming from a girl who held flirting as her second nature, her favorite thing to do, and good at it. I get married for 12 years, and forget who I was! Or, maybe I am just coming into my own.

Needless to say, we exchanged pics. A few more meaningless texts were exchanged and that was that. It left me thinking..."Wow, I guess I was not hot enough for talking to." However, I read on through the texts... He is young, immature, and trying  to pick me up on KSL. WTF am I thinking?!

Lesson learned. Timed to add some standards in to wean out the crazies.

What does it take to look hot?

Does it take being a size 5, huge boobs and blond hair? Or, do men like a few curves, pinches and handles on a woman? When it comes down to men, what is it that makes a woman attractive? I don't even know what matters when I look at a guy anymore. Do I have a type? Do I even need a type if I only want to have have some fun?

The other night at the club with my friends we went to watch pole dancing, with all those sexy girls. All I have to say, is that it was amazing and every man in the club was "on point."

The pole dancers were friends of ours. Once the girls came over to talk with us, the men came pouring in with their free drinks, winking, and stupid smiles. One of my friends happened to say something that "SOUNDED" like "You are hot." This man jumped across the table so fast and was in her face faster than I could blink.

"So baby, you think I'm hot?!"

My friend looked so confused you could read the "REALLY" right on her face. Before any of us could even give each other the drunk test to see if we could drive, these guys were calling cabs, seducing us to go home with them.

"What the Hell just happened here?"

My friend just said it was hot in here, a man jumps across the table at her like a dog in heat, and we are now going home to hot tub with these men? What did I miss?! I only had a few drinks and the only words that come from my mouth are "I'm goin' home."

Next morning, it became apparent I'd had enough drinks to take stupid pictures at the club. They're on Facebook.  WOW. What did I do?

Thank God for "undo tagging."

What do you mean "HAVE A GOOD FLING AND GET OVER IT!"?

A male friend of mine said that I need to have a "good fling and get over it." Get over what exactly??  The fact that my husband died, or is it just that he wants to get laid???  How are we defining the word fling??? SEX?!?!?! Because that is not quite what I am thinking yet...  Why is it that Men always think that way, "Sex fixes all"...

As I am thinking about this conversation I'm in my car, driving down the road, I hear on the radio, "Utah's syphilis cases are on the rise."  Well, that solves that thought!!!  I think it's time to run and hide again...  Am I really that scared?? The little "Exploring Sex" games from high school just got very adult here, but with the same stupid lines...

Dating is a JOKE, just sayin'

So here I am 33, widowed, and left with a small child. I have just recently decided that it is time to get back out int the the "dating world" and, I hope, have some fun. Well, I have yet to the find fun. I'm just tip-toeing out.

My first experience at "the bar" was with my cousin. I decided to go out with her and her man as their third wheel. We went to their friend's birthday party.  I noticed that bars have changed in the past 12 years, or maybe I just got smarter... either way, I hope that 12 years ago, I was not as dumb as some of the people I saw at the bar!!!  You have the girls dancing, they're having fun, every man in the bar is watching them, deciding on their plan of attack, "how do I get them home to bed?" Then you have the other men out there, and they look like they are shaking in their shoes. The thought of talking to a woman is so obviously painful to them that you'll only see them standing there sweating in their cologne-soaked shirts. And then, of course, you have the ones who can't look you in they eye... because they can't get past you boobs... "REALLY?"  Is this all that I have to look forward to???  I hope not, because this scares me.... Not that I plan on picking up men in bars, I just had to make that a disclaimer here... so enjoy the blog and the craziness of "I have to do WHAT to date!"